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EP 21: Daring to Raise Kids Who Can Fend for Themselves

Sep 3, 2018

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Who’s on This Episode

Ruth Soukup

DoItScared.com

Ruth Soukup

Ruth Soukup

Ruth Soukup

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EP 21: Daring to Raise Kids Who Can Fend for Themselves

Welcome to Do It Scared™ podcast! In every episode of this podcast, we’ll talk about how to face your fears, overcome obstacles, and create a life you love! Ready to hear about something a little different? I’m going to be talking about daring to raise independent kids who can actually fend for themselves. This topic might be a little controversial, but I think it’s the perfect thing to talk about during back-to-school season.

 The topic of raising kids is near and dear to my heart, and I’m passionate about it. With that said, I definitely know that I don’t have parenting all figured out. I’ve learned more about parenting from the mistakes I’ve made than from what I’ve done right! (And I bet that sounds familiar to you, too.)

 Here’s something that may shock you: moms in the US are being actively shamed for daring to let their kids do things on their own. Raising independent kids is no longer seen as a parental responsibility in the US, but rather as a dereliction of duty. Are you as horrified by that as I am? After all, why shouldn’t we raise self-sufficient kids who can fend for themselves? I was lucky enough to have a free-range childhood, and can’t imagine growing up any other way.

 Over this past summer, my husband and I took our kids to my childhood home so they could get a taste of this experience. Watching them learn to navigate relationships and the world independently was incredibly powerful. It also helped us realize how much we had been doing for them instead of letting them figure it out for themselves, just because it’s easier and faster for us to do it.

 I believe that striking the perfect balance as a parent between being nurturing and encouraging independence comes down to adopting a few fundamental core beliefs. Tune into the episode to learn what these are! You’ll also learn about my strategies for handling responsibility, freedom, and money when it comes to kids, why we need to let our kids struggle, and much more!

Highlights

[02:24] – Ruth introduces today’s topic (and offers a brief disclaimer).
[04:58] – We hear about something that Ruth saw on her mom’s TV about
[08:38] – One of the biggest reasons that Ruth and her husband spent the past summer in her hometown was to give their kids the same freedom and independence that she had as a kid.
[10:42] – The whole experiment over the summer was a powerful lesson for Ruth and her husband in learning to let go.
[12:31] – If you’re the parent of an adult “kid” who still doesn’t know how to be independent, what can you do about it?
[14:32] – Ruth talks about how parents can strike a balance between doling out tough love while being a caring, compassionate confidante.
[17:10] – We hear about one small mistake that Ruth made in encouraging responsibility and freedom in her kids over the summer.
[18:15] – The second core belief is about money, Ruth explains.
[21:13] – Ruth’s kids have started asking her the same questions she asked her parents growing up, like, “Are we rich?” Ruth shares her answer to her kids.
[22:58] – The third core belief is that sometimes you need to let your kids fail.
[25:50] – Can you imagine what the world would be like if every parent had the courage to let their kids stumble and fall?
[27:10] – Ruth recaps the three fundamental core beliefs that she has covered in this episode.
[27:51] – To get the worksheet that goes with this episode, head to this link!

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66 Comments

  1. Christine Tarasiuk
    Christine Tarasiuk on September 4, 2018 at 2:30 am

    Love this message. It’s one that I have been sharing with young moms for a long time. I will forward this episode to some of them.

    Christine

    Reply
  2. Julie
    Julie on September 5, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    I love Listening to your pod Cast, this one is very interesting and hits right at home I am that helicopter parent that never wants to see my girls fail, recently my 13 year old is becoming very fresh and feels it’s all about her and I think she forgets that she has a sister.
    I also would like to know what financial steps are you following ?

    Reply
  3. Allsama Basar
    Allsama Basar on September 6, 2018 at 4:09 am

    very apt, especially the second one which is new to me.

    Reply
  4. Bobbie Blue
    Bobbie Blue on November 25, 2020 at 5:00 pm

    Hi Ruth! This episode was something I really needed to hear. Currently my mother in law lives with us. She is unable to drive but she is still able to help with my husband’s daughter who is 9. I can not begin to tell you how difficult it is to bite my tongue while I watch her do everything for Mia. She is training my step daughter to be lazy and completely incapable.
    After listening to this podcast I knew I had to share with my husband so HE can see how detrimental his mom is being to her upbringing.
    I know she is trying to help and feels this is her only job in life at this point, so I must tread lightly! Hopefully the worksheets will help us muddle through this.
    Thank you again for everything you do!!

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