Focusing on self-care can feel selfish or self-indulgent, and we can feel guilty for even wanting it. But it’s so important! You need to nurture your body and soul, fill up your own tank, and make your own needs a priority. Women and moms, in particular, often put their own needs on the back burner to take care of everyone else. What happens then is that we burn out, and that makes everything worse. Daring to make time for self-care is one of the bravest and most unselfish things you can do.
At the beginning of the year, my husband and I decided to go to marriage counseling. It felt like we just kept having the exact same fight over and over. As the stay-at-home parent, he felt like our life was too chaotic and overwhelming. I loved our life, and felt like I had finally achieved a normal work/life balance. We discovered that this argument is super common, and our counselor pointed out that my husband was burned out.
The counselor then asked Chuck an amazing question: “What are you doing for self-care?” It turns out, everyone needs to make time for self-care, whether you’re a high-powered professional or an amazing stay-at-home parent. When you make time for self-care, you’re able to give more to the people around you. Burnout doesn’t serve anyone!
Making time for self-care in our lives starts with four steps:
- Understand what fills you up.
- Have some critical conversations and advocate for yourself.
- Get it on the schedule and make time for self-care.
- Give up the guilt!
These steps might sound simple, but they’re often not easy. Tune into the episode to learn more about each of them, and how you can follow through, make time for self-care, recharge and refresh yourself, and be able to give the best of yourself to the people around you!
Highlights
[02:07] – Today, we’ll be diving into a topic that Ruth thinks we need to talk about more: self-care!
[04:30] – Ruth shares her experience with going to marriage counseling with her husband, and reveals the main argument behind their issues.
[08:17] – We hear about a powerful question that their marriage counselor asked Chuck (Ruth’s husband).
[09:16] – The counselor asked another question: “What are you doing for self-care?” We hear about Chuck’s reaction, and why the question matters so much.
[10:59] – How do we find the courage to make the time for self-care in our lives? Ruth shares the first step of her four-step process, which involves understanding what fills you up (which may be different from what other people might say!).
[15:05] – For Ruth’s husband, an extrovert, being alone isn’t appealing; instead, he craves conversation and togetherness.
[16:06] – The second step is to have some critical conversations. Ruth talks about how important these conversations were in her marriage.
[20:11] – Step 3, once you know what you need to recharge, is to get it on the schedule.
[21:51] – The fourth and final step is to give up the guilt. This might be hard, but it’s so important!
[23:51] – Are you really, truly, and regularly taking care of yourself? If not, why not? Ruth addresses these topics, then recaps the four steps in getting started with self-care.
[25:37] – If you have any questions about this, or topics you’d like to see addressed on a future episode, please reach out to Ruth! You can email her at doitscared.com or message her on Instagram!
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I tend to like to be alone too. Too much social activity wears me out. I have Asperger’s and am sensitive to sound and touch. Too much sensory input can cause sensory overload for me; this is the point at which my brain shuts down. I have trouble picking up social cues, too. I’m still trying to come up with ways to abate the sensory input that riles me up. Long distance travel is something I dread, so I tend not to do it. Both of my sisters live far away, so they have to come to me, as I will not go to them.